Looking back with Lot's Wife

Like many people, I hope I’m not an idiot. Unlike younger people, I have to wonder if I’m an idiot and don’t know it. That’s because the bar is so low for old people. And although I hate to point fingers, it’s your fault, young people. You don’t expect old people to keep up. People tell ten-year olds all the time to get up off their rear and get the lawn mowed. No one says that to grandmothers and you know why? They feel sorry for them. Imagine belonging to a group that everyone thinks is pitiful. It’s like being an infant, without the adorable part. The worst is that when you’re old, people want to show you how grateful they are by helping you. And, frankly, it’s just so great to let everyone else do the work. But I am rediscovering the fact that I have a body that works and that I can use it. When you’re old, there are so many strikes against you. We may be carrying the equivalent of a hefty fourth grader under our elastic waistbands. We n...

I’ve got that flu you get in the summer when you get dizzy every time you stand up and you feel like barfing all the time. Yay!!! Having come from a long line of hypochondriacs (“Can you see that red spot on my arm/back/face? Is it getting bigger? I think it’s getting bigger. Does it look swollen to you?”), being sick is the best excuse ever to watch the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice , take drugs, and get out of stuff you don’t want to do. (“Ward breakfast? No, I’m sorry I can’t be there at six to cook bacon. I’m sick.”) What’s not to love about being slightly sick? Especially because you usually get sick when you’re tired and could use the break. But like everything, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You’ve got to have your backups ready. First you need food. I’m going to suggest Pringles. Why? Because no one is ever sick enough that they can’t eat a can of Pringles. You’re probably sick because of stress anyway and nothing relaxes like a sudde...

I didn't realize I was this hidden. Maitlan grew so fast! We're missing Clay and Eric and the Elder half of the family, but we had a wonderful time with the great food, the ocean and the pool, and the crabs! Our own little zoo pets.

So for my first article for the brand new Springville Independent, I should write something profound about beginnings and what they mean to all of us. How a fresh start is a chance to recommit to those high ideals that drive us towards the best in a free press in America. And to be sure, while there was no paper, I kept thinking about all the money the city council spends in its day to day business, wondering who was going to watch it happen and tell everybody. Where is the anger, the outrage, the thrill of calling your mayor and councilmen and complaining if you have no idea of what’s going on? But then I was also thinking about spending money on our vacation in Mexico and how that was really more relevant to me. Let’s just get it right out there; anyone who tells you that Mexico is cheap is lying. Maybe somewhere in the Mexican equivalent of Ohio it’s cheaper, but anywhere you can drink the water is going to cost you the same amount it does here; but the stuff i...

So we’re going on vacation. Heck, this must be like our third vacation…in the thirty years we’ve been married. No, we don’t seem to vacate a lot, but now we’re going to Mexico to spend a week in a beautiful house on the beach that my sister owns. We’re going to shop, eat, talk swim, and relax. I’m going to do that. He’s probably going to read all the church manuals and get months ahead in Sunday School. He will produce a succession of deep sighs as we wander through cute stores that sell pottery and glassware and ceramic animals painted bright colors. He’ll like wandering along the beach for about a half hour, and then he’ll start wondering if we’re there yet. Do you ever wonder what would happen if you could change your spouse into exactly what you wanted him to be? It would have to be at least five different guys. I’d want a guy who was friendly, unless he was too social and spent every night with his buddies watching sports. I’d also want that guy w...

Last weekend was my granddaughter’s modern dance recital up in Salt Lake . I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in years. Kids galloping around for an hour and fifteen minutes looking tense and lost? What’s not to love? I’m so glad it was free! I wish you could have been there. Arms waving, the ever-popular “jewel-tone” outfits, the serious inward looks of people trying to stay in line. The good news is that there didn’t seem to be any relationship to the rhythm of the music, making the experience just that much more free floating. My granddaughter’s group was killer cute naturally. Picture thirty little girls running around in circles dressed like fireflies. They were in red and black with these kind of medieval looking wing things on their backs. The highlight was the hand waving, slapping the floor, clapping part. We were all there with her. It’s recital season. This is the chance for all of us to pay back our parents for the years they spent watching us as trees in...