Looking back with Lot's Wife

Like many people, I hope I’m not an idiot. Unlike younger people, I have to wonder if I’m an idiot and don’t know it. That’s because the bar is so low for old people. And although I hate to point fingers, it’s your fault, young people. You don’t expect old people to keep up. People tell ten-year olds all the time to get up off their rear and get the lawn mowed. No one says that to grandmothers and you know why? They feel sorry for them. Imagine belonging to a group that everyone thinks is pitiful. It’s like being an infant, without the adorable part. The worst is that when you’re old, people want to show you how grateful they are by helping you. And, frankly, it’s just so great to let everyone else do the work. But I am rediscovering the fact that I have a body that works and that I can use it. When you’re old, there are so many strikes against you. We may be carrying the equivalent of a hefty fourth grader under our elastic waistbands. We n...

I’ve got that flu you get in the summer when you get dizzy every time you stand up and you feel like barfing all the time. Yay!!! Having come from a long line of hypochondriacs (“Can you see that red spot on my arm/back/face? Is it getting bigger? I think it’s getting bigger. Does it look swollen to you?”), being sick is the best excuse ever to watch the Colin Firth Pride and Prejudice , take drugs, and get out of stuff you don’t want to do. (“Ward breakfast? No, I’m sorry I can’t be there at six to cook bacon. I’m sick.”) What’s not to love about being slightly sick? Especially because you usually get sick when you’re tired and could use the break. But like everything, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. You’ve got to have your backups ready. First you need food. I’m going to suggest Pringles. Why? Because no one is ever sick enough that they can’t eat a can of Pringles. You’re probably sick because of stress anyway and nothing relaxes like a sudde...