Catalogue envy

Phony Marge pretending to like me
Happy Brit on the way to Sardinia. 

















I want to live in a British catalogue.  I don’t need to be tall and skinny. I don’t want to pay for the clothes—I have a pretty good idea of what they would look like on me.  But I want to be standing by a wet stone wall by a grey sea in my 100 percent lambs wool coat ($1810) or walking down a London street in front of a 600 year old building in my colorful dress looking like I’ve just popped out of my flat, going to Sardinia for the weekend.  (Not actually sure where Sardinia is.  Don’t want to spoil the illusion looking it up.) (Don’t ruin it for me.)
I don’t want to live in the Land’s End catalogue.  Land’s End clothes are designed to show how responsible you are.  Holding a glass of wine at the family Christmas party.  Phony Aunt Marge who pretends to like you but is going to talk about your divorce the minute to turn your back . 
You’re a guy in a flannel shirt with one of those fake 5 o’clock shadows and blow-dried hair.  You’re wearing a plaid button up shirt to show how the serious person looks at the family Christmas party. 
Every thing is serious.  Serious sweats, serious down jackets, serious cotton cable knit sweaters for $49.  Just like they wear in Donegal. 
AND NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOU!! In the American catalogue, all the models are ignoring you.  Like you’re some voyeur they’ve allowed to peek through the pages into their serious lives.  The English people look like they want to give you directions to the tube.  Or at least politely acknowledge that you’re there.
Of course when I ask Clay what the British people are thinking, he thinks they all want something from him.  They look lost or vaguely crazy, smiling dimly at him. 
I think they look sweet and concerned about me.  If they could just step off the page, we could be pals and they’d take me with them to the gallery or their job at a small dot com with a crazy boss whose fabulous idea just might work.  But we’d all be scrambling for subscribers in a fun way with snacks and after work party plans. 
I want to go there. 

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