Blast from the past

I’m calling a friend in Germany, or trying to anyway. It’s eight hours ahead there and she feels better in the morning. She has cancer.
I called at 2 am Tuesday night and last night I tried at 4:30 am and now I’m sort of running out of “do-gooder” steam.
And wondering why she wants me to call her. This isn’t someone I know well; I knew her when I was a teacher at a school where she brought a bunch of kids when she was teaching. She stayed at our house a few nights. Doesn’t she have better things to think about?
It’s nice that she feels good about that time. She and her group were a big deal to us.
I don’t think of the things I’ve done as a employee/volunteer pleasantly when I think back on my life. I think about how dumb I was.
I decided in her honor I was going to think about times when I felt successful about myself.
It’s a good list, you know, not overwhelming, need to broadcast good, but it’s longer than I thought it was going to be.
I think there’s a possibility that when that big review in the sky comes, I may not completely recognize myself. I’ve so internalized the “shout if from the rooftops” part of the scriptures that my mental process is one giant wince where I think about every bad thing I’ve ever done.
There is a distinct possibility that I’ve overestimated myself as a disaster.

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