Post Halloween Gripe

Halloween was the only holiday my mom really got into because she didn’t have to cook, it involved chocolate, and it was an easy way to actually make kids happy. I really like Halloween. We had a gate up to our front porch and to my horror, my dad propped it open one year with my entire collection of Nancy Drew books, which were stolen. But in spite of that, I still love Halloween. My dad would swing the front door open and the light would flood out on the porch. He smoked a cigar and he was tall and loud and jovial. Little kids would cower in fear, but he gave full size candy bars, so it was okay. The crunch of leaves underfoot as kids in crazy outfits wandered around with their dad after dark, meeting the neighbors under different, new, exotic circumstances. The magic of the warm, spooky glow of houses half hidden in the shadows, not completely lit by the porch lights. I loved the thrill of getting a peek inside people’s living rooms when they invited you in to pick your candy. It was a celebration of autumn, almost the last night to be outside before it got too cold and you had to start wearing boots. Of course, sometimes, you had to wear boots and your coat. But, wow, wearing a costume, the fantasy of being a pirate, or a princess, or, my personal all time favorite, a hobo. Dirty face, stick, and a handkerchief, boom, you’re done. Probably not very PC.
I understand that this is a little after the fact, but I didn’t get very many trick or treat-ers this year, and I’m upset about it. I heard that it was packed downtown and that the ward trunk or treat was sold out, but, I was very disappointed. I wanted kids in my neighborhood, at my house.
I have to wonder what’s next, Christmas at the mall? We’ll bring the kids and they can serve turkey on paper plates and we can sing a couple of hymns and start browsing the post-Christmas sales? Could we sleep in tents around the parking lots and be there early on the 26th?
Not to over-react, but people, this is how the Roman Empire fell. They gave their entertainment over to the state that spoiled them with elaborate shows and pretty soon the people grew lazy and fat, and the barbarians overran them.
Needless to say, I’m against community Easter egg hunts, too.
What’s causing this? I think there are a few reasons—none of which are reasons that I like. One is efficiency: it’s lots more efficient to have trick/trunk or treat in one big TaDa and get it over with. I like to multi-task as much as the next mom, but this is NOT a way to have a holiday. Doesn’t anyone ever watch Martha Stewart anymore? We’re supposed to savor stuff, enjoy it. Five hundred kids running around downtown from store to store is not a savory experience. Not to mention the whole manners thing where your dad or mom tags along behind, talking to the neighbors (DEMONSTRATING how to talk to neighbors), reminding you to say thanks. AND Halloween should be in the dark. It’s supposed to be scary, for Pete’s sake.
The next possible reason is what my friend Ryan Shaw called “the Michael Jackson effect.” The poison apple scenario. It is tragic that we live in a small town and we are scared to death of our neighbors. For one thing, the other solutions don’t necessarily protect us. Just because someone’s in a church parking lot doesn’t mean she can’t put a razor blade in your apple.
You’re supposed to go see nice people like me, people who are old, who are your neighbors. I’M not going to poison your M&M’s. (If there are any left.) Doing things just because something might happen opens the door to just way too much craziness, like, for example, not eating candy because your teeth might fall out. Now that would probably be more of a real reason not to have Halloween downtown, or anywhere for that matter.
So I’m against efficiency and community fear. I’m also a little bit against greed. Although, greed at Christmas and Easter and Halloween is really a part of the childhood code. So I won’t go there rather than completely alienating every one I know.
So, don’t think of me as the grinch who stole Halloween.
Okay, well, if you have to, you can. Do what you have to do, I’d just like the old days back, please. If it’s not too much trouble.