She was not Big, Fat and Wide
May 17, 2000
In one of those moments that you have when you actually know what it’s like to be in a train wreck, I offered to have a friend’s wedding at our house last week.
As a philosophical aside, I must ask: Why would I do this?
Well, this was my friend’s second marriage and while she was happy and in love and sure she was getting a great guy, she was also cooking and cleaning for six kids while trying to find her birth certificate, which was filed with the vaccination records and school photos, so she could get a marriage license. With one thing and another, it was looking like the best thing to do was to go to City Hall one afternoon and say, “I do” and get the kids home for dinner.
So I decided that it would be a simple matter to let the kids plan the wedding. I can now tell you, if you ever want a great marriage ceremony, get a bunch of the neighborhood rug-rats together and let them have at it. This was one swell to-do.
We met Tuesday for our first planning session. The wedding was scheduled for Friday at noon. The short lead-time made for comfortable expectations because, hey, what the heck, anything was better than City Hall.
We naturally tackled the menu first. Cheese squeeze and Triskets, olives and pickles, meatballs, peanut butter sandwiches, grilled cheese and Hawaiian punch were all suggested. And, we wanted wedding cake, of course, with ice cream. This was going to be really cool. However, in the interest of my sanity, we stuck with the finger foods that didn’t require preparation—the Triskets and cheese squeeze were all eaten before the wedding cake was gone—and the olives, my gosh, what a hit!
The cake was another delight to plan because the kids didn’t have any expectations other than wanting it to be pretty. We decided on a spring theme, which meant that we needed as many pastel colors as possible in the cake flowers. And we wanted swans AND doves on top—but swans and doves cost $25 so we stuck with a veritable spring garden of sugar. You can buy a decorated cake the size of the Atlantic Ocean for $35. Sheet cake is probably the last bargain food in the world. It’s cheaper than McDonald’s.
Now for decorations. The main thing that we wanted was an aisle because we had to have “Here Comes the Bride.” What to do about the music? A tape? Never! We found a wonderful string trio in our neighborhood, two violins and a cello, who’s mom is an accomplished musician and they had just learned, you guessed it: “Here Comes…Big Fat and Wide.”
I think I got really excited when the little musicians came over to audition the song for me. All of a sudden, right here in MY living room, I could see a wedding actually going on.
By Thursday, the living room was cleared out, the cake was ordered and there were 40 chairs lined up with a little passageway for mom to come down. By Thursday night I was down to one helper bee, Levi, age 10, who, with three sisters shopping for dresses with another family friend, wanted a tuxedo.
But we still had errands to do. We went to the grocery for punch supplies—NOT Hawaiian—and we got bunches of flowers from Sam’s Club. We went to the craft store for ribbon for a bouquet. He hung in there for three hours and he earned his tux.
Little boys are just the best. Levi looked more handsome than the Prince in Cinderella and he was definitely more proud.
Friday morning four of the kids showed up for the trip to the bakery to pick up the cake. By this time they were so excited that it was beginning to feel dangerous. There was a moment there when I looked at all the living room furniture piled in my bedroom and wondered what on earth was I doing.
But by 12:30 we were ready to roll. I rounded up the three-year-old who was exploring and the “Dah, dah, dah-dah” started. Levi came out into our front hall with the bishop and the groom, and his mom and the rest of the kids started walking towards him.
That moment was worth everything. The whole family glowed with pride at their accomplishment. This was THEIR wedding. Every possible formation of family photos was taken.
I think I’ll hire a bunch of kids and become a party planner.
This was just the best!
In one of those moments that you have when you actually know what it’s like to be in a train wreck, I offered to have a friend’s wedding at our house last week.
As a philosophical aside, I must ask: Why would I do this?
Well, this was my friend’s second marriage and while she was happy and in love and sure she was getting a great guy, she was also cooking and cleaning for six kids while trying to find her birth certificate, which was filed with the vaccination records and school photos, so she could get a marriage license. With one thing and another, it was looking like the best thing to do was to go to City Hall one afternoon and say, “I do” and get the kids home for dinner.
So I decided that it would be a simple matter to let the kids plan the wedding. I can now tell you, if you ever want a great marriage ceremony, get a bunch of the neighborhood rug-rats together and let them have at it. This was one swell to-do.
We met Tuesday for our first planning session. The wedding was scheduled for Friday at noon. The short lead-time made for comfortable expectations because, hey, what the heck, anything was better than City Hall.
We naturally tackled the menu first. Cheese squeeze and Triskets, olives and pickles, meatballs, peanut butter sandwiches, grilled cheese and Hawaiian punch were all suggested. And, we wanted wedding cake, of course, with ice cream. This was going to be really cool. However, in the interest of my sanity, we stuck with the finger foods that didn’t require preparation—the Triskets and cheese squeeze were all eaten before the wedding cake was gone—and the olives, my gosh, what a hit!
The cake was another delight to plan because the kids didn’t have any expectations other than wanting it to be pretty. We decided on a spring theme, which meant that we needed as many pastel colors as possible in the cake flowers. And we wanted swans AND doves on top—but swans and doves cost $25 so we stuck with a veritable spring garden of sugar. You can buy a decorated cake the size of the Atlantic Ocean for $35. Sheet cake is probably the last bargain food in the world. It’s cheaper than McDonald’s.
Now for decorations. The main thing that we wanted was an aisle because we had to have “Here Comes the Bride.” What to do about the music? A tape? Never! We found a wonderful string trio in our neighborhood, two violins and a cello, who’s mom is an accomplished musician and they had just learned, you guessed it: “Here Comes…Big Fat and Wide.”
I think I got really excited when the little musicians came over to audition the song for me. All of a sudden, right here in MY living room, I could see a wedding actually going on.
By Thursday, the living room was cleared out, the cake was ordered and there were 40 chairs lined up with a little passageway for mom to come down. By Thursday night I was down to one helper bee, Levi, age 10, who, with three sisters shopping for dresses with another family friend, wanted a tuxedo.
But we still had errands to do. We went to the grocery for punch supplies—NOT Hawaiian—and we got bunches of flowers from Sam’s Club. We went to the craft store for ribbon for a bouquet. He hung in there for three hours and he earned his tux.
Little boys are just the best. Levi looked more handsome than the Prince in Cinderella and he was definitely more proud.
Friday morning four of the kids showed up for the trip to the bakery to pick up the cake. By this time they were so excited that it was beginning to feel dangerous. There was a moment there when I looked at all the living room furniture piled in my bedroom and wondered what on earth was I doing.
But by 12:30 we were ready to roll. I rounded up the three-year-old who was exploring and the “Dah, dah, dah-dah” started. Levi came out into our front hall with the bishop and the groom, and his mom and the rest of the kids started walking towards him.
That moment was worth everything. The whole family glowed with pride at their accomplishment. This was THEIR wedding. Every possible formation of family photos was taken.
I think I’ll hire a bunch of kids and become a party planner.
This was just the best!
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